When I used to cry my eyes out over some douchebag that hurt me back in the day…I was secretly wishing that I’d become this cold-hearted bitch that could set aside my emotions and just sex it up, having fun. My friends were doing it…why couldn’t I? Why the hell did I have to wear my heart on my sleeve every date, every kiss, every relationship?
I haven’t written in awhile. I think it’s been almost a year or two since I wrote anything of actual story-telling awesomeness.
I took the above time to delete every dating profile I’ve ever been on and I also took a 1-2 year hiatus from dating.
Men. Stoopid, stoopid men.
I think I actually hated them. I literally despised men. And not in a I’m-going-to-go-have-sex-with-women-now way…but in the sense that I blamed EVERYTHING on men.
If I was driving and someone pulled out in front of me while I was going my usual speed of 80…I probably said something along the lines of “…it’s probably a man.” Listening to Roula & Ryan’s Roses on KRBE was like listening to my life back in Dallas. Dealing with stupid men.
Not to mention that during that time, I stopped trusting people. I’ve always been a very trusting person, but as I looked back at past relationships, past friendships…I realized that the damage had been done and I just wasn’t the same. I wasn’t that same girl who immediately became friends so easily…who trusted people so easily.
Now there’s a shell. And a hard one at that…covering my heart. It’s weird what a move 250 miles away will do to a person.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing this guy we’ll call Mr. Music. It’s strictly casual. I don’t think I could even offer much more than that right now. I’m still working on myself and frankly, the cold-hearted bitch has appeared and reared its ugly head.
I can now set aside my emotions and just live on the wild side. And I’m enjoying it damnit!
Yes, while it would be cool and nice to have what my parents have, what my coworkers have, what my friends have…I’m just not there. I’m 30 and flirty and I’m going to enjoy it for nine more days. Why nine days? I turn 31 on June 12.
Maybe I’ll be looking for love by then.
*To all my friends who just gasped, don’t hate. A girl has needs.