Dear someone’s daughter and/or son…please come get your Dad!!!
Okay…so according to some of my readers… last week’s blog came off a little mean.
Let me tell you that in no way was I trying to make fun of the guy…I was just surprised by the revolving disco ball…I mean…by his eye…precisely why I believe in telling the truth and making sure you look like your pictures…which brings me to this guy:
The man pictured above, has emailed me three times and has still NOT gotten the message that I am still NOT interested; plus he claims that he is 34-years-old. Seriously? When was he 34? Back in 1980?
Below is his profile. For fear that this MAY BE someone’s dad…I will leave off his username.
IM 6 2 HONEST LOYAL TRUSTWORTHY CHRISTIAN
I LOVE CHILDREN SPORTS AND MUSIC I WENT TO 3 NFL GAMES 2 NBA GAMES AND 7 CONCERTS THIS YEAR IM LOOKING FOR AN HONEST SWEET GIRL THAT HAS A JOB OR KNOWS SOMEONE THAT DOES HAS A CAR OR BICYCLE HAS BEEN MARRIED LESS THAN 3 TIMES AND HAS LESS THAN 4 CHILDREN PLEASE HAVE MOST OF YOUR FRONT TEETH AND SOME HAIR ON THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD IM A GIFTED ATHLEATE CAREER CAR SALES WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER TEACHER AND RESIDENTIAL COUNSELOR FOR ADOLESCENT GIRLS WITH BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS P. E. TEACHER SUB 1ST 2ND GRADE THANK YOU
RIDE DIRTBIKE JETSKI WAKEBOARD TENNIS FOOTBALL BASKETBALL SPORTSFINE DINNING MOVIES MUSIC ARTS
CAREER TEACHER-COUNSELOR WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER BUY SELL COLLECT MUSTANGS CORVETTS CAMAROS
Okay…let’s first start with the profile.
1) First off…what the heck is up with all of the caps? Not to mention the non-use of commas…
2) Not only did he go to 3 NFL games, 2 NBA games and 7 concerts this year, but he also drove through 268 green lights, picked up his dry cleaning 64 times, attached 24 pictures of himself to his profile, drove past Chick-fil-A 33 times, and waved to his neighbor 29 times too…*sigh*
3) He wants to find a woman that has a job or knows someone that has a car or bicycle??? I’m not real sure how to respond to this.
4) Okay…this guy’s dating range criteria is 18- to 39-year-olds. I hope his future woman has been married less than 3 times. And damn…I hope no 18-year-olds have four kids, otherwise humanity is screwed.
5) Unless he’s trying to date a man…most women that I know have hair on top of their heads.
6) Gifted “athleate” huh? Wonder what else he’s ‘gifted’ at? Clearly not spelling.
7) Wow! He’s a car salesman, wedding photographer, teacher, residential counselor, p.e. teacher, and a sub for 1st and 2nd graders. Wow…a man with so many talents! He really IS gifted! *wishing you could see my face*
These are how our conversations went:
Him: HI. YOU CAUGHT MY EYES. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK SOMETIME?
Me: Thanks for the email, but I’m not interested.
(two weeks later)
Him: HI. I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU ON HERE BEFORE. YOUR PRETTY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK?
Me: Sorry, but I’m not interested.
(he probably couldn’t see me with all that 1980s hair)
Him: WHATS NOT TO LOVE ABOUT A GREAT GUY? IM A STAND UP GUY AND GREAT ATHLEATE. I LIKE FINE DINNING AND SPORTS.
Uh…dude. I am STILL NOT interested.
Now let’s go through his pictures.
A part of me wants to say this picture was taken in the late 1970s.
I could be wrong though.
If he really is 34, that would mean he was born in 1976,
and that would make my first sentence slightly wrong.
I dunno…what do you think?
Like yo man! That was stellar dude!
Okay…just for the hell of it…my dad looked like this in the 70s.
My dad is now 66. Not 34.
Dude…burn that shirt!
Better yet…burn the picture so that you don’t have any proof
of ever owning that shirt!
but I’m going to go out on a limb and
say the shorts that he’s wearing died in the 70s.
Something just screams Grandma’s curtains…
but I just can’t put my finger on it.
I don’t know if it’s the suit or his shiny, blonde hair.
My friend Scott told me that if he keeps bothering me, to tell him that I’m not a Christian and that I follow the rules of the Pastafarian religion.
I think I just might. 😉