So I’m a member of Zoosk. It’s a new online dating site just like TRUE and Match. You register a screenname and get, in return, a free profile; but if you want to actually converse with people, you pay.

So I am 5’11” AND 3/4. I am not short by any means and look eye-level to a 6-foot man. Clearly someone who is 5’9″ would not match up well. I mean, it might work with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, but do I look like a celebrity in need of a publicity stunt? You better be freakin’ awesome if you want to date me short stuff!

And clearly we know that I like a smart man…what the hell is wrong with the following dudes? And yes, I am putting them on blast.

Dumbass #1
Zoosk Name: LD
Age: 22
Race: White
Occupation: Server
Height: 5’9″

His Zoosk Story: “Im an all around cool guy people person. And ladies u can go check out my myspace the headline is LD or put in Luke Kimzey and u can also reach me by phone at 214-632-8454 if u are interested.
His Perfect Match: “someone who i can carry a conversation with and who likes me for me and wont cheat on me”
His Ideal Date: “Romantic dinner walk in the park and back to my place to get to know them better”

Dumbass #2
Zoosk Name: raydallas a yahoo
Age: 30
Race: Hispanic
Occupation: Not sure
Height: 5’5″

His Zoosk Story: “i looking to meet some great people. i dont have a type thats for sure . i want someone thats goint to make laugh and feel conforttble around her .. find me, for my name ,and my nic name is below this words write me or wink me please , thanks for u time to wach my profile.”

Okay…let’s start with Dumbass #1. In my profile, I have listed that I am not a paying member and that if you have good spy skills you can find me elsewhere. So he finds me on myspace (thank God, my profile is private) and he sends me a friend request. I look at his page and this is what I find:

Clearly we know he’s a youngin’. First red flag. Do I look like I date jailbate? Then, we see that he only has a high school education. Definite RED FLAG. Then I see, he’s worked about eight different jobs since 2006, there’s no college classes or ANYTHING going on…I mean really? Do you expect me to date you when you don’t have your life together? So then there’s the 5’9″ bit. Did you read his ideal date too??? AND who puts there real name AND number in their profile. CRAZY!!!!

Then there’s Dumbass #2. 5’5″? Come on. Seriously? Thanks for thinking that I’m pretty, but don’t ask me to get to know you better and be my friend. I’m not looking for friends. I have enough. I’m looking for a serious relationship and how the hell can I take you seriously when you can’t EVEN TALK?????

Damnit…where are the freakin’ tall, intelligent men?

This has no point, I am strictly venting today.

[Click here to go home.]

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